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In memory of the life, love and wit of Carol Versandi
March 4, 2014
Today is March 4th 2014.
That means it's been 32 days.
32 days since my mom died.
My mom died.
Nothing about that sentence seems real.
It didn't the day she died and it doesn't a month after the fact.
The woman who raised me. The woman who shaped me. The woman who made me
the person I am today, died 32 days ago.
Even now as I sit here, typing this, it doesn't seem possible.
I miss her more with every passing day.
There hasn't been a moment when I haven't thought about her.
And although that might sound like an exaggeration, let me assure you, it's fact.
Everyone has said that only time will heal these wounds.
Only time will help. I just need to give it time.
But the truth is, a part of my life...a part of me...has been removed.
It's as if a fire has been extinguished. It wasn't left to burn out on it's own time...slowly until the flame became embers and the embers became soot.
This fire was stomped out and I was left with nothing but an ashen stain. A permanent mark. A constant reminder of what once was.
I don't see how "time" is going to fix that.
Is time going to bring her back?
Is time going to give me 5 more minutes with her?
is time going to let me tell her that I love her?
All I can see time doing is prolonging my pain.
And at this point, I feel like I'm a perpetual grieving machine.
I'm fueled by misery and all I do is produce more sorrow.
I wish I was just being dramatic, but sadly, it's the truth.
I'm not sitting in the corner of a darkened room crying myself to sleep every night, but I'm not the same person I was before either.
Before she died, I was a pretty happy-go-lucky guy. I was fun to be around...go on, just ask any of my friends...they'll tell you.
I was pretty active. I liked to host parties...hang out at the beach...go fishing...surf...ride my motorcycle...generally just go out, have fun and enjoy myself.
Now, I don't care about any of it. None of it excites me or interests me in any way.
I simply do not care.
And I don't care about not caring.
The world simply seems bland and unappealing and I'd rather just not participate.
I miss her and I miss the person I was because of her. And I don't see how time will make me whole.
And time can't do a goddamn thing about it.
dont make a fuss
In Memory of Carol Versandi
March 15, 2019
February 1, 2015
She Fought the Law
January 22, 2015
The Day the Dinosaur Disappeared
January 12, 2015
Bianca's Last Stand
December 23, 2014
December 12, 2014
November 21, 2014
The Amityville Horror
November 14, 2014
Happy Birthday Mom
October 20, 2014
Just a Quick Note....
October 8, 2014
5 stages of grief
Don't Make a Fuss
captree state park
carol versandi. brunch
commack high school
cooking with carol
dining with carol
don't make a fuss
don't make a fuss
hamell on trial
hot dog soup
if roses grow in heaven
michael versandi. mother's day
my yidishe momme
open up the gates for her
stuff from the park
the barry sisters