Taking Turns
Here's a cute little story...
First a little history lesson.
I met my wife Amanda when we were both in High School.
I was probably 16 or 17 and she was probably 7 or 8...I'm not sure...my memory is shot and I'm horrible at math.
...ok, ok, she was 15 or 16 and I was actually 17 or 18 when we first met.
It was not a "love at first sight" kind of thing. In fact, when I met her, I was actually dating someone else...The Biggest Whore on Planet Earth.
That's not a joke. She really was....maybe you've heard of her.
A global committee was formed...a joint session was called...and votes were cast.
Apparently she won in a landslide. She was given a crown, a sash and a lifetime supply of ointment.
Anyway, Amanda was actually friends with my friend Chip and I met her through him.
For reasons I won't get into here, for most of my senior year of High School, Chip spent the weekends at my house. I had converted the entire basement of our house into my room, so I had plenty of space for him to crash. A typical weekend went something like this...
Friday - Come home from school. Find friend that was 21. Have friend buy us beer. Sneak beer into my room through basement window. Spend rest of the night listening to 80's hair metal, drinking cheap beer and saying profoundly ridiculous things like "Man, nobody will ever understand just how brilliant Sleeze Beez really are".
Saturday - Wake up. Get breakfast. Shoplift at Music Den. Come back to my house. Repeat.
One weekend Chip decided to let Amanda sleep over as well.
He didn't ask me and did not tell me.
One Friday night, she was just there and that was that.
The three of us stayed up all night, drinking cheap beer and listening to bad music.
We had a great time.
So much so, that we all did it again the next weekend.
...and the one after that.
....and the one after that.
It went on like that for months.
Amanda told her parents she was sleeping over at a friends house.
I told my mom that Chip was sleeping over our house.
And we snuck both Amanda and the cheep beer in through the same window.
It was the perfect crime.
Now, Carol was a lot of things but stupid was not one of them.
She knew we were drinking.
She knew Amanda was sleeping over.
After all, it's not like a bunch of heavy metal teenagers know anything about subtlety.
But, as she told me years later, she was a teenager once and she knew what teenagers did.
We were going to drink and smoke pot and cause a ruckus regardless.
At least if we were in the house, she could keep an eye on us and sleep easy knowing that we were safe.
In other words, she would rather she knew about it, then us do it behind her back.
Pretty smart if you ask me.
So she knew about the sleepovers.
But there was one things she wasn't sure of and she had no problem asking.
One Saturday morning while Chip and I were walking out the front door (to meet Amanda whom we had just snuck out the window) my mom pulled us both aside and said, in a very quizzical, non judgemental manner, "Mike, Chip, I have to ask...when Amanda sleeps over...how does that work?"
Chip and I just kind of looked at each other, not sure what she meant.
She continued, "I mean, what happens? Do you guys take turns?"
"Do you guys take turns?"
That actually happened.
My mother bluntly asked if me and my best friend were tag teaming my future wife.
You just can't make this stuff up.
I miss you mom.
I miss you so much.
