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Happy Birthday Mom

I'm sitting here, shaking my head and crying yet again.

Today would have been my mom's 71st birthday.

I don't know what to say or what to do.

This is the first time in 41 years that I have not spent this particular day with my mom. And I absolutely can not believe it or understand why.

They say the first year after someone dies is the hardest.

Going through all the "firsts".

First Christmas.

First Thanksgiving.


And even though she died over 8 months ago, I haven't had to deal with many "firsts" yet. The only one that really stands out was Mother's Day. And even though it was no picnic, today is worse.

Mother's Day is something the whole world celebrates.

It's a Hallmark holiday. One created soley for selling greeting cards and boxes of chocolate. Don't get me wrong, it's a well deserved holiday. One that should absolutely be cherished, but it's a group celebration. If you go out to dinner, chances are, you're in a restaurant filled with people celebrating the same thing.

My mom's birthday was our holiday.

Hers and mine.

Every year she would say the same thing...

"This was the best birthday ever. Thank you".

It didn't matter what we did or where we went.

She just loved the two of us spending the day together.

Driving out east to the countryside.

Pumpkin picking.

Shopping at the farm stands.

Having lunch.

Coffee at 7/11

"This was the best birthday ever. Thank you".

It didn't matter. It was our day.

And now, it's nothing.

It's not even a day.

A painful reminder.

A void.

I love you mom.

And I miss you more than I could ever possibly say.

I think about you constantly.

There has not been a moment that I haven't felt the loss of your presence.

I hope, that is some way, you can see me and you know how thankful I am for everything you've given me. Everything you've done. Every sacrifice you made.

Every gentle guide.

Every forceful push.

Everything that made me who I am.

Happy Birthday Mom.

I love you


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